I've come to the huge realization that I've got some serious control issues that stem from the fact that, as a young'un, my pops, thanks to his military background, would treat the three of us as a platoon, and dole out punishments and the like based on what any single one of us did.  I suppose that did, in the end, strengthen our bond, but you know what it left me with?  A serious problem.  There wasn't a time I can recall where I was trying to corral the other two into listening and behaving, because I didn't want to be punished for something I didn't even fucking DO.  Left me scarred, I suppose.  He's obviously since seen the error of his ways and doesn't treat us like that anymore, (I guess the partial end to that being that we're all of drinking age), yet I still can't control my control issues.  (See what I did there?)  I get angry if I don't have complete control over a situation, and that anger usually leads to a minute depression, like where I'm at now.  See, until May 30th, I can't sign up for classes, and even then, I can't find out whether or not I can get a fully subsidized loan that'll pay for my classes, and that'll let me rest easy on the whole "Can I make it to Nekocon?" scenario.

Until then, I just have to play the waiting game, and I haven't been a patient individual since before my Fiancee left me to whittle out my life by myself.  I think I'm still a bit sore about that.  In any case, I don't like waiting and being unsure.  I mean, if I have to, I'll sell a few things to be able to afford these conventions and college.  I'm pretty good about my direction in life, at least in knowing what it is I WANT to do.  It's not much, but, fuck, at least it'll be fun.  I enjoy to write, and I enjoy playing games.  Why not do both?

Then again, I may be getting a bit ahead of myself, here.  I do know I need to find myself a niche.  Something I can offer the reviews/critics industry that nobody else has yet done, and something I can offer that will bring droves of people to want to read, watch or listen to me, which, in turn, will make me that much more desirable by various companies.  While I figure that out, I'll be going ahead and starting blogs, getting more and more mileage out of my YouTube channel, and just trying to develop a fan base.

Hell, while we're on the subject of whoring myself out to the internet, I may as well mention I am getting better and better with my drawing style, averaging about 2 images per week, and I'm getting to a comfortable place with my drawings.  So I figure I could get started on a web comic.  Funny thing is, I have SEVERAL ideas for an actual paper-based manga, but none for a web comic.  Do I want to go the route of comedy, or develop a storyline that people will want to come back to read over and over again?  I mean, sure, I could do both...  However my overall posts would suffer.

I suppose I need to work just a bit harder.

First things first, I need to learn a song and record a demo track for Otaku Idol at Otakon, by May 18th.  When I post this message, I'll only have 11 days to do so.  Funny thing is, I still don't know what song I want to do.  I've been trying to learn "CHANCE!" by UVERworld for the past week and a half, but I'm still at the same level.  Even with the song stuck in my head I can't get the fast parts down, but I don't want to puss out and just do a song I know I can do, because it's so fucking easy.  If there's ever a week to do it, it's this one.

Then there's the fact that my car is STILL in a state of disrepair, thanks to the auto body shop I've been trying to get a quote from failing to contact me EVERY FUCKING DAY.  It's been nearly a month of phone calls, me catching them at some inopportune time, and lots of promises of "we'll call you back" with no fucking call backs!  This dude hit my car either late March or Early May (I'm sure I could easily pinpoint the day if I just went back and looked through my Facebook posts).  I'm starting to get concerned about it.  Then my "Check Engine" light came on yesterday, and I know my car will need new brakes soon.  It's like my life WANTS me to not have enough money to do what I'd like to do this year.

Top it all off with the fact that my laptop just gave me the "your battery will no longer hold a charge" message, so now my laptop is tethered to wherever I can get power from a wall.  I mean, I still get maybe 20 minutes of usage off of the charge, but that's nowhere near enough for my purposes, and I can't trust the stupid power gauge.

Ah well, take care of whatever it is I CAN control, right?

I suppose for now, it's worth mentioning that I'll be getting ear piercings and a tongue piercing at sometime whenever it's feasible to afford.  Supposedly, it hurts like hell, and swells up like there's no tomorrow, so I suppose it'll be after Nekocon that I'll be getting all this done... ...maybe.

That's more than enough for now.  Mya.

I <3 my tail, and I <3 being the furry that I am, and I <3 being a brony.

-Nekoyuki